A couple's friendship blossomed into a love affair after they discovered they were crushing on one another for several years — but they had to navigate religious differences to make their relationship work.
As Muslims around the world celebrate Ramadan — the holy month of fasting and a time for worshippers to pray, reflect, and practice self-restraint — the couple is using their massive social media presence to educate people about the tradition and how they observe it in an interfaith marriage.
Farhaan M. Khan (27) is Muslim, while his wife, Tamara M. Steeves (25), is Christian. They met at the Richmond Cosom Floor Hockey Association (RCFHA) when Khan was refereeing Steeves' younger brother's hockey games and eventually became teammates on an adult co-ed team.
"I developed a crush on him but I closed that door due to our religious differences, so I crushed in silence for three years," Steeves tells V.I.A.
In 2019, Khan confessed that he had also been secretly crushing on Steeves for years but had also held back from saying anything due to their religious differences.
"It took some time to get both of our family's blessings since we were interfaith, but after two years of fighting to be together, we got married in August 2021," she explains.
As a Muslim, Khan says he grew up feeling secluded and felt no one knew who he was other than the people in his community.
"When people did find out I was Muslim, most of the comments were Islamophobic in nature, which kind of made it tough to make friends," he explains.
When Khan was growing up, many restaurants didn't offer halal options, which meant options were limited when he went out with family and friends. Now, there are many of them, with numerous ones run by non-Muslim establishments and national chains that use halal meat as a default.
"The shift in our society over the last 10 years has really improved our youth's integration into the Western culture so that our community doesn't feel as isolated," he notes.
"Most people didn't know what Ramadan was growing up, and now people are wishing us 'Ramadan Mubarak.'"
How a Vancouver interfaith couple observes Ramadan in 2023
The young couple has made supporting each other's religious holidays and traditions a priority since they got married. While Steeves supports Khan during Ramadan, he supports her during Easter and Christmas.
"It's our second Ramadan together as a married couple. As a Christian wife, to support Farhaan during this month, I attend Taraweeh with him a the local masjid whenever I can. Farhaan attends every night," she explains.
"During Ramadan, the Muslim community gathers at the mosque every night to pray together. I just sit in the back and observe the prayer (I don't pray or worship in any way since this would go against my Christian boundaries), but my presence and effort to be there means a lot to Farhaan.
"Ramadan is also a very social time, so Taraweeh is where I meet a lot of new people in the Muslim community."
Muslims fast to focus on God and worship by putting their "earthly desires" aside for the month-long tradition. The couple fasts together for the whole 30 days of Ramadan, which means they don't eat or drink from sunrise to sunset (roughly 14 to 15 hours each day), Steeves explains.
The Vancouver pair wakes up to have "suhoor" — the meal where you break the fast — around 4:30 a.m., and then eats their second meal of the day, "iftar," around 7:45 p.m.
"Fasting can be quite difficult to do, but even though I'm not Muslim, I chose to fast with Farhaan so he doesn't feel alone. It can make fasting a lot easier when your loved ones around you are also fasting."
Since Ramadan is also a "very social time" for the Muslim community, the couple often attends big iftaris with family and friends. As it is a time of giving, they may also drop off food for loved ones or raise money for charities.
Eid al-Fitr, also known as the Festival of Sweets, marks the final day of Ramadan. Muslims celebrate the worship they've done over the 30 days by visiting a mosque in the morning for a khutbah (sermon), Steeves describes.
"On this day, everyone wears their best clothing. Many families spend the entire day jumping from one house to the next, socializing, visiting, and eating. It's also common to exchange small gifts on Eid. For Farhaan and myself, my in-laws often have an open house around noon and we cook a lot of food for everyone who comes. My mother-in-law always buys me fancy Pakistani clothing to wear for Eid, and Farhaan always tries to match a fancy outfit of his to mine."
Since Easter falls in the middle of Ramadan this year, the couple will have a later Easter dinner with Steeves' family so Khan is able to break his fast.
"This way, we're able to celebrate Easter as part of my Christian beliefs without compromising his Muslim beliefs (fasting until sunset)."
Steeves adds that they each attend each other's places of worship regularly so they continue to learn about their respective beliefs.
Have a look at a popular TikTok video that they made to show how they will observe Ramadan together.
